Year-End Cleanup

December 29

I love this time of year, when all the news outlets remind us of the events that set the year apart from all others -- the little pop culture stories about who broke up with whom, who had a baby or a big wedding in a castle in Italy, or a big pirate movie, or a big meltdown in front of everybody, revealing his long-suppressed prejudices. We're also reminded of the long-beloved icons who passed away to the firmament of our memory.

We're also sent a barrage of email with humorous trivia, such as this one. The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

This list of the winners from 2005 must have been moldering in somebody's email inbox for a good year now, but it is still funny and worth sharing:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in
the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

And I'll include one more for a certain banana who lives in California and seems to enjoy this type of thing particularly:

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)